Bear, Bird, Shaman, Witch and Computer answer fans questions
Nuts & Bolts Facebook summary
I enjoy Facebook. I love it when I get a post on my wall from that girl I have a huge crush on asking me never to say “buttox” to her again. I love it when the front page notifies me that the girl I have a huge crush on is in a relationship. I love it when Facebook tells me that my friends have compared me and I now have 514 losses in “Who is a Better Human Being?”. But I love Facebook the most when Bears and Birds invade the Neo-MySpace domain and answer all of my pant-wetting queries. Now that everyone’s accounted for, let’s see what we’ve learned, class.
For the Bear and Bird:
- On the subject of the origin of the backpack, it seems Banjo found the pack with Kazooie inside it.
- Kazooie is not seeing anyone, only stupid Facebook questions. On a side note, I’m beginning to believe people are attracted to this series for all the wrong reasons.
- Banjo still has nightmares about being turned into a Washing Machine. Also, Kazooie’s squeaky clean!
- Bottles is a Lawyer.
- Banjo doesn’t understand what a “console war” is.
- Austin Griffin and I will never be best buddies.
- Kazooie seems to have a bit of pent up frustration over the Ice Climber’s role in the Smash Bros. Series, when they seem to be left out of the weirdo bashing.
- If Kazooie and Banjo’s Shorts were held above a fire, and Banjo could only save one of them, the name of this game would be radically altered.
- Kazooie also seems to be fearful of dogs in tanks.
- The internets l@nguase iznt for the beer and the berd!1!1!!1!
For the Shaman:
- Mumbo prefers the stick shaped woman over the shapely types.
- Once he regains his handsome face, Mumbo plans to go on to be a male model.
- Apparently Mumbo’s out of the Shaman’s Union. I can only assume he wanted to be paid more for this online transformation’s transactions.
- Not a Jinjo.
For the Creator of All Videogames:
- The game on his face is actually Generic Paddle Tennis Game 5, which according to my expert encyclopedia of knowledge, was only a slight improvement to the previous years Generic Paddle Tennis Game 4, only adding a new roster of pixels and adding an extra shade of green for realism.
- Ladies, L.O.G’s taken.
- Apparently, even a deity like L.O.G can be pressured by the authorities when it comes to keeping a quiet mouth on the Xbox 720.
- L.O.G’s nightmares create horrible 3D Sonic games.
- Call him LOG.
For the Wicked Witch in a Jar:
- Apparently there may be more Winkybutton children than we have already seen. I’m placing my bet on Grunty’s Star-Quarterback-In-High-School- -And-That-Was-His-Greatest-Achomplishment-In-Life brother to show up when Banjo-Kazooie: Washers & Screws shows up in 2016.
- Seems someone read Bottles’ Self-Help Books and is grateful for what she has. Even if that is a horribly ugly body.
- …You know what? On second thought, I’m not a fan of this series anymore. Anything that relates me to these people is poison to my faith in the human race.
- …And Grunty seems to have the right idea: “These questions just keep getting worse, you Facebook lot are so perverse.”
- The Witch doesn’t like Walls of Text, either.
- Also, Chris Carroll, we can swear on the internet. I don’t think mommy’s gonna wack you on the head with her wacking stick cause you said ‘ass’ to your favorite fictional witch-crush.
And so ends the first true contact between man and personified woodland creatures. May it never happen again. Now, if you’ll excuse me, that girl is single again, and I’ve got REAL people to stalk right now.
Somehow related news
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- Bear and Bird and Vehicle on Games on Demand ()
- Gregg Mayles to answer BK fans today ()
- Your Pocket Paradise doubts, answered next Tuesday! ()
- Mumbling bear, blocky bear, cancelled bear… ()
